My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
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