yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
