this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
