I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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