she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
