My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
