Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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