Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
