Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
