I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
