clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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