Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Less talking, more tequila
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
