So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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