My brain says no but my pants say off.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
