I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
