Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
