I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
