oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
