the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
