PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
