I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
