Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
