as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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