I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
