He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
