i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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