Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
