Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
