i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Mom said you looked used
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
