You just made me feel so damn special
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
