WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
