I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
