I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
