yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
