i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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