Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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