so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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