is your mom at the bar?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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