i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
