ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
