I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
