you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
