he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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