I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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