somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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