What a fucking waste of an outfit
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
