I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
