I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
