I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
