The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
