mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
