he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
