She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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