you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
